1. Let’s face it, if you have a Facebook, there are between 20-100 people on your friends list that you don’t even like. Like that guy from high school that used to whip your ass with a wet towel after gym class, but added you three years after graduation and then never acknowledged it when you accepted. Even though you added that guy so you could see just how badly he’s failing at life, that guy doesn't really like you either. And all those people that don’t like you are going to find any reason they can to tear you a new one. And after you work your way through their badly spelled post and discern its message, I bet you’ll feel that wet towel just cracking you on the ass all over again.
2. On Facebook we all
have a few people, and on Twitter some of us have hundreds, who we don’t know at
all. Posting about politics on a social
network opens the door for that crazy guy who lives in his mom’s basement and who
graduated with your third cousin back in 1992 to tell you what a douche you
are, and how he doesn’t even know you anymore, and how his hamster said you’re
the devil. Then there’s always the
chance he’ll show up at your house. With
a chainsaw.
3. There are going to
be a few people that you actually care about (most of us have at least 5 out of
several hundred contacts) on your social network friend list. Half of those people love you unconditionally. The other half are waiting to pounce like a
rabid bobcat the second you say something they don’t like. You hang out, you bar hop together, you pick
up chicks/dudes together, you tell each other all your secrets and give each
other advice. Then you post about
politics and your bestie is angrily commenting on the status and telling you
how stupid you are. Then you post back,
and they post back, and you post back again, and suddenly all those secrets you
told said bestie are known to the whole world.
Don’t you wish you’d just complained about Disney buying LucasArts some
more instead?
4. Let’s be honest.
You aren’t going to change anyone’s mind. Nobody ever changed their political stance over
a 140 character tweet, and nobody reads those long Facebook statuses you write
anyway. By getting up on a soap box and
preaching your political views, all you are doing is wasting your time. You’ll get a dozen comments telling you that
you’re right, half a dozen telling you that you’re a dick, and everyone walks
away thinking the same things they were thinking before you posted.
5. The solution is clear.
We all need to get out more. Next
Election Day, let’s not spend 14 hours cussing out our loved ones (and that
weird guy who added you that you don’t know, but always comments on your cleavage
pictures) on our favorite social network.
Let’s go to the bar and watch the results come in on TV while we get
piss-hammered like our parents used to do.
